Shopping-one shot
by ArtemisFowl02
Summary: A One-Shot that I wrote when I was really bored. I guess its kind of parody-ish. Artemis is forced to take Myles and Beckett shopping. Holly turns up and stuff happens. Please review. Crackfic.


**Shopping- a short Artemis Fowl story**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Artemis Fowl.**

 **I hope you enjoy this story. It's a parody and it's just something I wrote when I was bored during a double period of Intergrated Studies**

 **Please review.**

* * *

"But mother, this is outrageous!" Artemis exclaimed.

"One, don't call me mother, it's mum and two, I only asked you to take Myles and Beckett to the shops!"

"Why can't Juliet take them?"

"You need to spend some time with your brothers, Artemis!"

Artemis sighed, his mother always got what she wanted.

20 minutes later

Myles and Beckett were thoroughly enjoying themselves in the back of Artemis's sleek black car. The music was turned on as loud as it could be and they were singing along, to annoy Artemis of course.

They should at least be grateful I'm taking them, Artemis thought.

Myles and Beckett jumped out of the car as soon as they reached the shopping centre which further annoyed Artemis because the car was still moving.

Then the car nearly crashed because Myles and Beckett ran in front of the car so that they could get to the shops before some other random people did.

Artemis was silently fuming when he finally caught up with his annoying siblings.

"Myles! Beckett! I am never taking you to the shops again, you got that!"

Myles and Beckett just grinned and ran off, away from the protesting Artemis who tried to go after them.

"I'll be at this café", he called after them.

Artemis took a deep breath to calm himself down, then ordered a coffee and sat down.

The coffee person thought he was twenty something but he was actually seventeen. That happened a lot with Artemis.

Artemis had just gotten comfortable in a fluffy chair and had started sipping at his delish coffee when he was interrupted but a bunch of kids that looked and acted like they were 11 year olds. That was because they were 11 year olds but Artemis didn't care. Myles and Beckett were with them.

"Are you…..", one of the girls said.

"Myles and Beckett's older brother", another said.

"Yes…..", Artemis replied, confused.

"He's hot!" a girl whispered into her friends ear.

Artemis heard this and decided that the girl was wrong.

"I am not hot as you say, my temperature is perfectly fine", Artemis snapped.

He then broke into the nearest pharmacy, found a thermometer and showed his temperature to the group of kids.

"Artemis", Beckett sighed. "That's not what she meant".

"Meet our friends", Myles said, gesturing to the group of kids.

"Sarah, Ailward, Ethan, Gem and Logan", Beckett said.

Artemis raised his eyebrow for no reason then burst into peals of laughter.

From behind him came a human girl with auburn hair. She had been tickling him.

"Hey Artemis", she said, messing his hair up to annoy him.

All the kids were breathless except for Sarah who was crying "He's taken?", over and over again.

"Do I know you?" Artemis irritatedly said but then he froze.

"Is that you Holly?"

"ARTEMIS HAS A GIRLFRIEND", Beckett screamed. Then he asked Sarah out.

"Um Sarah… Will you be my girlfriend?" he said quietly.

Sarah squealed. "Yessssss I WILL!". Then she kissed him.

"Holly is NOT my girlfriend", Artemis was muttering over and over again.

"I think he's cracked", Myles whispered to Beckett.

Meanwhile Foaly was calling Holly on her communicator.

"Did the human transformation pill work?" he asked her.

"Yes, it even fooled Artemis for a bit!" she exclaimed.

Artemis finally grew sick of his brothers and the kids so he pulled Holly away into a very expensive restaurant which had real flowers on the tables. There was a small partial room thingy so they went there. Artemis ordered some pretty good food and Holly was blushing the whole time. By then Juliet who was at the shops, heard Beckett screaming about Artemis's girlfriend so she raced over to where Artemis and Holly were and hugged them both.

"Congratulations!" she screamed.

"That's it", Artemis thundered.

"WE ARE NOT TOGETHER!"

Juliet ignored him.

"So this is why Angeline didn't let me take the twins to the shops… You had a date with Holly!"

Artemis face palmed.

Holly couldn't stand this any longer.

She leaned over and mushed her lips against Artemis's.

Time stopped for her.

Then Artemis kissed back and Minerva's wails could be heard in the background.

Foaly appeared out of nowhere and took a video which made its way onto the screens of every TV in Haven.

Artemis decided to take Holly, Foaly, Juliet and Myles and Beckett to the bakery where they ate chocolate cake, vanilla cake and loads of caramel slice because caramel slice is life.

For some reason Artemis had been putting this off but now he asked Foaly "Why is Holly looking like a human?"

"Just this awesome pill patented by Foaly", Foaly modestly replied.

"OK", Artemis said.

Then everything went wrong.

The baker turned out to be Trouble Kelp, the commander of the LEP.

He decided to make a move on Holly.

"Hi dear, do you wanna be my gurrrrlfriend", he asked her.

"Um okay, I thought we were already friends?" she asked confusedly.

Trouble nibbled at her ear and Holly punched him in the face.

"Get off me!" she screamed.

Artemis punched Trouble as well.

Trouble ran off crying.

Myles decided to buy a brand new laptop and Juliet bought a makeup kit.

Artemis brought a beautiful necklace for Holly but as he was giving her the bag, Juliet sneakily put in a pair of lacy underwear.

When Holly opened the bag her face turned a shade of red that could have rivalled Commander Root's face.

The group decided to go to Fowl Manor where the fairies stayed the night.

In the middle of the night Juliet helped Holly sneak into Artemis's bedroom where she played with his nose and his chest hair. In the morning Artemis was very surprised to find Holly asleep on his bare chest and he blushed, very hard.

No one knew that Beckett had bought a water gun so no one was ready for the water that splashed them.

 **And this is the end of the story.**

 **Hope you enjoyed.**


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